Fools (play)

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Fools is a light-hearted romantic comedy by Neil Simon, set in the small village of Kulyenchikov, Russia, during the late 1800s. The play opened on Broadway at the Eugene O'Neill Theatre on April 6, 1981, where it was directed by Mike Nichols, and ran for forty performances. This play was the result of an agreement Mr. Simon made with his wife during their divorce. She was promised the proceeds of his next play, so he attempted to write something that would never last on Broadway.

1 Summary
2 Characters
3 Quotes
4 External links

[edit] Summary

The story starts with Leon Tolchinsky, an ambitious young schoolteacher, arriving in the village of Kulyenchikov. Upon arrival, Leon encounters a rather 'unintelligent' shepherd by the name of "Something Something Snetsky, the sheep loser." After a confusing and tedious conversation with Snetsky, Leon goes off to find the home of his new employer, Doctor Zubritsky.

Leon meets with Doctor Zubritsky and his wife, Lenya, after struggling with the locals (Mishkin the postman, Slovitch the butcher, and Yenchna the vendor). He is introduced to the Zubritsky's daughter, Sophia, and is immediately lovestruck. Alas, she proves to be just as unintelligent as the rest of them, if not more so.

He discovers that the town's idiocy is no accident, that it is a 200-year curse of stupidity cast on them by Vladimir Yousekevich after his son killed himself because the first Sophia Zubritsky (not the doctor's daughter, but rather an ancestor with the same name) was forbidden to see Vladimir's son by her father, who found out the boy was illiterate, and made to marry another man. If Leon can't educate her within 24 hours of his arrival in Kulyenchikov, he, too, will fall victim to the curse. And the curse can only be broken if he can educate Sophia . . . or if she marries a Yousekevich.

As well as idiocy, the people of Kulyenchikov are also incapable of loving. Still, even without love, the last of the Yousekevich line, Count Gregor, proposes to Sophia twice a day. With more motivation than ever, Leon strives to educate Sophia. Try as he might, 9 o'clock rolls around, as announced by the magistrate, and all seems to be lost.

But Leon, being the smart young man that he is, fools everyone into believing the curse has befallen him. Count Gregor adopts him as a son, and Leon and Sophia are set to be wed. At the last minute, Count Gregor admits that the adoption papers are actually divorce papers and the wedding is nearly called off until he 'kindly' offers to marry Sophia.

With yet another trick up his sleeve, Leon asks the postman for his urgent letter and announces that his uncle has died and left all his debts to him. He says that that changing their surname couldn't help them escape the debt, and when asked what the surname was, he says "Yousekevich." Leon and Sophia are wed, and the curse of Kulyenchikov is broken. (The letter really contained a bill from his college, saying that Leon needed to finish paying his debts.)

After the wedding, we see what has befallen all the characters. The Magistrate was convicted. Mishkin wrote a six-hundred page story on the Curse of Kulyenchikov (only to have it lost in the mail). Slovich confirmed his greatest fears of being hopelessly stupid, when he bought four butcher shops in a town that only need one and went bankrupt within a month. Snetsky finally gathered his sheep and became a philantropist. Yencha went into real estate and now owns seveteen houses in Kulyenchikov, including Count Gregor's mansion. Lenya Zubritsky went into politics (becoming the first female mayor of Kulyenchikov) and now even her husband has to make appointments to see her. Doctor Zubritsky became a pronounced doctor and works for the Royal Family (the Czar of Russia, at this time). Count Gregor renounced his bad ways (although they had good intentions) and became the town monk. Leon continues to teach, and Sophia happily bore their child and teaches Leon lessons of life.

[edit] Characters

Leon Tolchinsky
Sophia Zubritsky
Gregor Mikhailovitch Breznofsky Fyodor Yousekevitch
Doctor Nikolai Zubritsky
Lenya Zubritsky
Something Something Snetsky
Mishkin
Slovitch
Magistrate
Yenchna***

[edit] Quotes

Leon: What would you like to begin with?
Sophia: Languages!
Leon: Good! Which language would you like to learn?
Sophia: **pause** Rabbit!
Doctor: A hard language rabbit hardly anyone speaks it anymore!
Lenya: As long as she gets a few phrases, thats enough to start with

Leon: What is your favorite color?
Sophia: My favorite color . . . is yellow.
Leon: Why, Sophia, why is your favorite color yellow?
Sophia: Because it doesn't stick to your fingers as much.

Doctor: Would you like a prescription?
Magistrate: What for?
Doctor: I don't know. Some people just like prescriptions. Here, take this to the druggist, pick out something you like, and take it three times a day with a little water.

Doctor: The Best. The Best of Health. You'll live to be eighty.
Magistrate: I'm seventy-nine now.
Doctor: Well, you have a great year ahead of you.

Snetsky: Slovitch, any news?
Slovitch: About what?
Snetsky: About the curse of course! Has it been lifted yet?
Slovitch: How would I know?

Magistrate: Do you, Leon, take Sophia, to have and to hold from this day on?
Leon: I have
Magistrate: No. I do.
Leon: You do?
Magistrate: No, you do.
Doctor: He will. He does. Say it
Leon: "He will, he does." I said it.
Doctor: Don't say what I say. Say what he says
Leon: What did he say?
Gregor: "I do." Just say "I do"!
Leon: My papa says I do!
Gregor: I'm beginning to hate this curse, I swear to God.