Loneliness
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than just the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected, and/or alienated from other people, so that it feels difficult or even impossible to have any form of meaningful human contact. Lonely people often feel empty or hollow inside. Feelings of separation or isolation from the world are common amongst those that are lonely. The first recorded use of the word "lonely" was in William Shakespeare's Coriolanus.
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[edit] Distinction from Solitude
Loneliness should not be equated with being alone. Everyone has times when they are alone for situational reasons, or because they have chosen to be alone. Being alone can be experienced as positive, pleasurable, and emotionally refreshing if it is under the individual's control. Solitude is the state of being alone and secluded from other people, and often implies having made a conscious choice to be alone. Loneliness is therefore unwilling solitude.
In their growth as individuals, humans start a separation process at birth, which continues with growing independence towards adulthood. As such, feeling alone can be a healthy emotion and, indeed, choosing to be alone for a period of solitude can be enriching. To experience loneliness, however, can be to feel overwhelmed by an unbearable feeling of separateness at a profound level. This can manifest in feelings of abandonment, rejection, depression, insecurity and anxiety. If these feelings are prolonged they may become debilitating and serve to prevent us from developing healthy relationships and lifestyles.
In some people, temporary or prolonged loneliness can lead to notable artistic and creative expression, for example as for Emily Dickinson. It should be noted however, that there is no indication that loneliness itself ensures this creativity, rather than just having an influence on the subject matter of the artist.
[edit] Common causes
People can experience loneliness for many reasons, and many life events are related to loneliness. The first experience of loneliness for most people is the first time they are left to themselves as a baby. Loneliness is a very common response to divorce or the breakup or loss of any important long-term relationship. In these cases it may stem both from the loss of a specific person, as well as from the withdrawal from social circles caused by the event or the associated sadness.
Loneliness can be a response to a specific situation or event, such as the death or extended absence of a loved one. Loneliness may also occur after the birth of a child, after marriage or after any minor or major life event. Loneliness can occur in marriages or similar close relationships where there is anger, resentment, or a lack of "loving" communication. Learning to cope with these changes in life patterns is essential in overcoming loneliness. Loneliness can also result from low self-esteem, especially if this causes the affected person to shun social gatherings.
[edit] Common types
Loneliness can be
- Situational – provoked by a change in circumstances, such as moving to a new environment or the loss of a relationship.
- Developmental – our need for intimacy balanced with our need for aloneness is a process that develops throughout the life stages.
- Internal – unrelated to external situation or age-and-stage, often including feelings of low self-esteem and vulnerability, probably stemming from early years.
- It can also develop from moving to a new area and one does not know anybody.
[edit] Common symptoms
- Believing that "everyone else" has friends
- Feeling embarrassed and self-conscious
- Being in a crowd but not feeling part of the crowd
- Feeling shy and scared
- Experiencing low self-esteem
- Feeling angry, defensive and critical
- Feeling socially inadequate and de-skilled
- Being convinced there is something wrong with you
- Feeling disconnected and alienated from your surroundings
- Feeling frightened and sad that no one knows how miserable and isolated you feel
- Losing your capacity to be assertive
- Feeling reluctant to attempt to change, or try new things
- Feeling "empty", depressed, or even contemplating suicide
[edit] In modern society
Paradoxically, loneliness frequently occurs in heavily populated cities; in these cities many people feel utterly alone and cut off, even when surrounded by thousands or even millions of other people. It is however unclear whether loneliness is thus a condition aggravated by high population density itself, or simply part of the human condition. Certainly, the feeling is well-known even in societies with much smaller populations. However, the randomness and sheer number of people that one comes into contact with daily in a city (even if only briefly), may raise barriers to actually interacting more deeply with them, thus increasing the feeling of being cut off and alone.
Some say that loneliness has become a major problem of modern times. At the beginning of the last century families were typically larger, and very few people lived alone. Today however, the trend has reversed direction: over a quarter of the U.S. population lived alone in 1998. In 1995, 24 million Americans lived in single-person households; by 2010, it is estimated that number will have increased to around 31 million. [citation needed]
Physical separation also often weakens familial bonds. Nowadays, it is not at all unusual for family members to be separated by hundreds or even thousands of miles.
[edit] As Human Condition
Some existentialist philosophy views loneliness as the essence of being human. Each human being comes into the world alone, travels through life as a separate person, and ultimately dies alone. Coping with this, accepting it, and learning how to direct our own lives with some degree of grace and satisfaction is the human condition.
However, other existentialist thinkers argue the opposite. Human beings might be said to actively "engage" each other and the universe as they communicate and create, and loneliness is merely the feeling of being cut off from this process.
Also, Buddhist philosophy argues that loneliness may be completely overcome by making authentic connections to other human beings, on an emotional level. Under this viewpoint, loneliness is therefore the opposite of the natural human condition; it then becomes the lack of action against a human system as constant as hunger or thirst. Loneliness becomes the lack of action.
[edit] Effects
Chronic loneliness (as opposed to the normal loneliness everyone feels from time to time) is a serious, life-threatening condition. It is associated with an increased risk of death from cancer as well as stroke and cardiovascular disease. People who are socially isolated also report poor sleep quality and thus have diminished restorative processes.[1] Loneliness is also linked with depression, a risk factor for suicide.
Loneliness can play a part in alcoholism, and in children a lack of social connections is directly linked to several forms of antisocial and self-destructive behavior, most notably hostile and delinquent behavior. In both children and adults, loneliness often has a negative impact on learning and memory. Its effect on sleep patterns can have a devastating effect on the ability to function in everyday life.
Some other effects may not be symptomatic for years. In 2005, results from the U.S. Framingham Heart Study demonstrated that lonely men had raised levels of IL-6, a blood chemical linked to heart disease. A 2006 study conducted by the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago found loneliness can add 30 points to a blood pressure reading for adults over the age of 50. Another remarkable finding, from a survey conducted by John Cacioppo, a psychologist at the University of Chicago, is that doctors say they provide better medical care to patients who have a strong network of family and friends than they do to patients who are alone.
Enforced loneliness (solitary confinement) has been a punishment method throughout history. It is often considered a form of torture.
[edit] Treatments
It has been posited that loneliness is "the only disease that can be cured by adding two or more cases together."
[edit] Methods of overcoming
The feelings associated with loneliness feed on themselves – the more lonely you feel, the harder it is to take steps to break out of loneliness. However, feeling lonely is a phase and does not have to be a constant way of being. As with changing any patterns of behaviour, it may take effort and commitment to begin to move out of feeling lonely.
To begin to break the cycle of loneliness, it may be helpful to consider:
- What is the cause of your loneliness?
- How do you cope with the feelings associated with loneliness? (hide away, drink alcohol, sleep?)
- Distinguish times when you feel relaxed in your own company and when you feel unpleasantly lonely.
- Determine whether your preferred style of relating is on a one-to-one basis or in a group.
- Take some risks – speak to people, smile a lot, make an effort, get involved, do something new.
- Seize opportunities, even if you don't feel like it!
It should be remembered that feeling lonely is a common, human emotion experienced by everyone at times (and therefore is not a defect). Intimate friendships take time to develop, and sometimes it is useful to help deal with the loneliness by sharing your experiences with someone else.
[edit] Importance of first-hand contact
Often, people mitigate loneliness by interacting with others via the phone or the Internet. However, it is widely believed that purely remote relationships are no substitute for in-person relationships - an opinion based at least partially on the fact that a person's true identity is difficult to determine on the Internet, and also that such relationships are less stable. Commitment to a friend or acquaintance is less strong, partly because the remote situation makes it easier to ignore the demands friends place upon each other, and because it is harder to share emotions in such a way.
Most importantly however, human beings react much more strongly to direct face-to-face interaction (even without physical contact of any sort) than to the abstracted type of communication present in remote relationships. Human beings are naturally gregarious creatures, and social interaction - including subconscious forms like reading another person's body language - has been proven in various studies to be a key element to improve / retain memory and other brain functions.
[edit] Pharmacological treatment
To the extent that loneliness is caused by depression (instead of vice versa), it may be helped by similar treatments, such as various forms of psychotherapy, pharmacotherapy (anti-depressant medications), or both.
[edit] Animal treatment
Another treatment for both loneliness and depression is pet therapy, or animal-assisted therapy, as it is more formally known. Some studies and surveys, as well as anecdotal evidence provided by volunteer and community organizations, indicate that the presence of animal companions -- dogs, cats, and even rabbits or guinea pigs -- can ease feelings of depression and loneliness among elderly people in nursing homes, for example. According to the Centers for Disease Control, there are a number of health benefits associated with pet ownership: In addition to easing feelings of loneliness (because of the increased opportunities for socializing with other pet owners, in addition to the companionship the animal provides), having a pet is associated with lowered blood pressure and decreased levels of cholesterol and triglycerides.
[edit] Quotations
[edit] See also
- Individualism
- Interpersonal relationship
- Pit of despair (animal experiments on isolation)
[edit] References
- University of Florida Counseling Center, "How to Deal with Loneliness," based on an audiotape script developed by the University of Texas, Austin. [2]
- Meysa Maleki, "Loneliness," Counselling and Learning Skills Services, University of Toronto. [3]
- The Pfizer Journal: Perspectives on Health Care and Biomedical Research, "Loneliness and Isolation: Modern Health Risks." [4]
- Philosophical Society.com, "An Existential View of Loneliness," taken from an essay by Michele Carter entitled "Abiding Loneliness: An Existential Perspective," published by the Park Ridge Center for Health, Faith, and Ethics in Illinois. [5]
- Hara Estroff Marano, "The Dangers of Loneliness," Psychology Today, August 21, 2003. [6]
[edit] External links
- Loneliness Website Sean Seepersad research about loneliness.
- Loneliness information Loneliness information and recovery tips
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