Rights and obligations of spouses in Islam
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Islam advocates a harmonious relationship between husband and wife. It puts the main responsibility of earning over the husband. Both are asked to fulfill the other's sexual needs. Husbands are asked to be kind to their wives and wives are asked to be obedient to their husbands. However, in case of rebellious behaviour, the husband is asked to urge his wife to mend her ways, then to refuse to share their beds, and as the last resort, husbands are allowed to admonish their wives by beating.
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[edit] General Behaviour
Qur'an instructs the believers that they shouldn't treat women as a commodity which can be inherited and used as liked. As in pre-Islamic era, the wives of a person were also be transferred to his heirs like his wealth and animals. Secondly the Qur'an states that except wife guilty of open sexual transgressions, a believer should not subject his wife to harsh treatment, even though he dislikes his wife. Then Qur'an instructs husbands to deal with their wives according to good conventions and traditions of a society.<ref name="jsoc">Javed Ahmed Ghamidi, Mizan, Chapter:The Social Law of Islam</ref> If a believer behaves in a good manner to his wife even though he doesn't like her, the Qur'an used the word Asā (‘عَسَى’), which in Arabic implies hope and expectation, that when used on occasions such as this, implies a promise from the God of a great reward.<ref>Amin Ahsan Islahi, Tadabbur-i-Qur'an, 2nd ed., vol. 2, (Lahore: Faran Foundation, 1986), p. 292</ref> As the Qur'an states:
| “ | O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should you treat them with harshness that you may take away part of the dower you have given them – except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary, live with them according to the norms [of the society]. If you take a dislike to them it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good. | „ |
Islam emphasizes the importance of taking counsel and mutual agreement in family decisions.<ref name="badawi">Jamal Badawi, The status of women in Islam</ref> As in Qur'an:
| “ | If they [husband and wife] desire to wean the child by mutual consent and after consultation, there is no blame on them. | „ |
Similarly, it is attributed to Muhammad:<ref name="thesis">Heba G. Kotb M.D., Sexuality in Islam, PhD Thesis, Maimonides University, 2004.</ref>
- Fear Allah in respect of women.
- The best of you are they who behave best to their wives.
- A Muslim must not hate his wife, and if he be displeased with one bad quality in her, let him be pleased with one that is good.
- The more civil and kind a Muslim is to his wife, the more perfect in faith he is.
[edit] Behaviour with rebellious wives
Verse 4:34 is a controversial verse that is often quoted regarding if a husband's might strike her wive during some special circumstances.
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Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all). |
[edit] Condemnation of beating for any other reason
Islamic scholars agree that the wife can not be punished for any other reason other than mentioned in the Qur'an.<ref>Saleem Shahzad, Can a Husband force his Wife to wear the Hijab?, Renaissance - Monthly Islamic Journal, 11(11), November 2001.</ref>
As Muhammad is attributed to say:
- How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then embrace (sleep with) her?. Sahih Bukhari Vol 8 Book 73 Hadith 68
- I went to the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) and asked him: What do you say (command) about our wives? He replied: Give them food what you have for yourself, and clothe them by which you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them. Sunnan Abu Dawud 11:2139
- Iyas ibn Abdullah ibn AbuDhubab reported the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) as saying: "Do not beat Allah's handmaidens", but when Umar came to the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) and said: "Women have become emboldened towards their husbands", he (the Prophet) gave permission to beat them. Then many women came round the family of the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) complaining against their husbands. So the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "Many women have gone round Muhammad's family complaining against their husbands. Those (husbands) are not the best among you".<ref name="badawi"/>Sunnan Abu Dawud 11:2141
- O people! Accept the advice regarding good treatment of women and [accept it] because they are duty bound [to fulfill your marital rights]. You have no other authority on them except this. And if they commit open sexual misconduct you have the right to leave them alone in their beds and [if even then, they do not listen] beat them such that this should not leave any mark on them. Then if they obey you, take no further action against them. Indeed you have rights over women and they also have rights over you. You have the right that they do not permit into your homes nor sleep with anyone you dislike. Listen! their right upon you is that you feed and clothe them in the best way [you are able to]. Sunan Ibn Maja 1841
[edit] Sexual relations
Except a few restrictions of having sex during menstruation and anal sex, Islam advocates pleasure from sex between husband and wife.<ref name="jsoc"/>
As Qur'an states:
| “ | And they ask you about menstruation. Tell them: It is a kind of impurity. So keep away from women during their menstrual periods and do not approach them until they are in a state of purity. Then when they are clean after having bathed, go to them from where God has enjoined you. Indeed, God loves those who constantly repent and keep themselves clean. These women of yours are your cultivated land; go, then, into your lands in any manner you please [and through this] plan for the future [of both this and the next world] and remain fearful of God. Bear in mind that you shall meet Him [one day]. And [O Prophet] Give good tidings [of success and salvation] to the believers [on that Day]. | „ |
| “ | And from among His (i.e. God's) signs is that He created for you your pairs, of your own kind so that you may get satisfaction and gratification from them and He has therefore kept in you love and mercy for the other. | „ |
Husbands are asked to satisfy the sexual desires of their wives and vice versa. As it is attributed to Muhammad:<ref name="thesis"/>
- “Not one of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between you.” “And what is that messenger?” they asked, and he replied: “Kisses and words.”
- “When one of you have sex with your wife, it is a rewarded act of charity.” The Companions were surprised and said, “But we do it purely out of our desire. How can it be counted as charity?” The Prophet replied, “If you had done it with a forbidden woman, it would have been counted as a sin, but if you do it in legitimacy, it is counted as charity.”
- “No solution is ever better for two people who are in love like marriage.”
Also in hadith:
- If a man invites his wife to sleep with him and she refuses, then the angels send their curses on her till morning. Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 7, No. 121-2
- When a man sends for his wife for the satisfaction of his need, she should go to him even if she may be occupied in baking bread. Reported by Tirmidhi and Nisai, No. 284
[edit] Domestic violence among Muslims
The scholars who accept that "beating" is allowed, stress that it is a last resort, discountenanced, and must be done so as not to cause injury. Yet some Muslim men feel they have the right to beat their wives in whatever fashion, mild or severe, that they choose.
Domestic violence is regarded as an endemic problem by officials of many Western countries with large populations of diasporic Muslims. [citation needed] The incidence in many Muslim-majority countries (where women hide their bruises and nothing is ever reported to authorities) is uncertain, but believed to be great by Muslim feminists. One recent study, in Syria, found that 25% of the married women surveyed said that they had been beaten by their husbands. [1]
In some recent high-profile cases, Muslim women have had the courage to publicize their mistreatment at the hands of their husbands, in hopes that public condemnation of wife-beating will end toleration of the practice (see Rania al-Baz).
It is unclear whether this toleration of domestic violence is a purely religious or cultural matter, particularly to some of its supporters. However, the fact that it is prevalent in both Muslim and non-Muslim societies suggest that it is more due to cultural reasons than religious ones.
[edit] See also
[edit] References
- Azizah Y. al-Hibri, An Islamic Perspective on Domestic Violence (pdf), Vol. 37, Fordham International Law Journal, 2003.
- Moiz Amjad, Beating wives in Islam, Understanding-islam.com
also <references/>
