Snake Jailbird
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| The Simpsons character | |
| |
| Age | 38 (Born in 1968) |
|---|---|
| Gender | Male |
| Hair Color | Brown |
| Job | Thief, Conman, former Professor and Archaeologist |
| Relatives | son Jeremy, brother (unnamed) |
| First appearance | The War of the Simpsons |
| Voice actor | Hank Azaria |
Prof. Jailbird, also known as Chester Turley , better known as Jailbird and later Snake and voiced by Hank Azaria, is a fictional character from The Simpsons.
[edit] Character history
Snake is Springfield's resident recidivist felon, always getting arrested but never appearing to stay in jail. He speaks with an accent that sounds like a cross between English and Californian and keeps a pack of cigarettes rolled up in his sleeve. He is partial to fast cars and fast women, and has a knack for reckless abandon. Snake played lacrosse at Ball State University. He also attended Middlebury College and repaid his student loans after robbing Moe Szyslak's tavern. His car's name is "Lil' Bandit", which may be a '68 Pontiac Firebird, or a '69 Dodge Charger. It could be a reference to James Dean's so-called possessed car the "Li'l Bastard". It should be noted that the car's horn plays the opening line of the tune Dixie, similar to The General Lee from the The Dukes of Hazzard. He has a son who looks just like him, and a brother (or other male relative) who looks and talks very similarly, as seen in an episode where the two run a Three-card Monte game. His ex-girlfriend Gloria briefly dated Charles Montgomery Burns, but then came back to him.
He was once held captive by Herman along with Police Chief Wiggum (spoof of Pulp Fiction) but was eventually rescued by Kirk and Milhouse Van Houten.
He once ran a telemarketing scam, but could not stick to it because he did not like bothering people at home. He also wrote the books, The Ten Habits of Highly Successful Criminals and "A Criminal's Guide to Hiding in Mexico".
In a Treehouse of Horror episode, Snake was executed based on a "three-strikes" policy. First he burned down an orphanage, then he blew up a bus full of nuns (which Snake declared was "Totally self-defense"), and finally he smoked in the Kwik-E-Mart. His hair was then implanted into Homer's head, but it had to be removed due to issues with the hair instilling Snake-like characteristics into Homer, e.g. seeking revenge for Snake's imprisonment & execution by murdering Bart et al. This episode was a parody of John Carpenter's 1993 made-for-Showtime film Body Bags, in which Stacey Keach receives a cursed hair transplant.
Snake's real name, according to an official trading card game, is Chester Turley. However, some of the said cards do have some silly untrue facts which means that the name could be a fake. Snake is also referred to as Jailbird by people who work on the Simpsons.
In the episode "The Seemingly Never-Ending Story," Snake referred to himself as Professor Jailbird; it was also revealed that he was formerly an Indiana Jones-type archaeologist until Moe Szyslak stole his Mayan gold coins and he decided to take his revenge on society (convenience stores).
In "Pygmoelian", it was also revealed that Snake had a son. "The Seemingly Never-Ending Story" revealed that his son's name is Jeremy. The episode also reveals that Snake has custody issues with his son. Although Snake seems to have committed every crime possible, he is an extremely good father to Jeremy. He points Bart out to Jeremy, saying, "Look, there's a boy you can play with!" Bart and Jeremy play Battleship for the remainder of the episode.
[edit] Quotes
- (after being robbed of his Mayan coins by Moe) "Oh no! I've been robbed! Well, I'll just take my revenge on society. By which I mean convenience stores! And who would suspect me, Professor Jailbird?"
- (upon finding Mayan gold coins) "Could you *be* any more Pre-Columbian?"
- (after having stolen a VCR) "Oh no! Beta!"
- (yelling at Homer, who had just driven past the prison yard in Lil' Bandit) "That smells like regular... She needs premium dude... PREMIUM!... DUDE!"
- (approaching the naïve Geeks immediately after their expulsion from Springfield University) "Uhhh... Wallet Inspector ... W'how, I can't believe that worked"
- (on loading the Kwik-E-Mart onto the back of a flatbed truck) "Alright, I'm taking this thing to Mexico!"
- (after stealing a cash register) "Goodbye, Student Loans Payments!"
- (after seeing Bette Midler coming after him) "Oh No! Bette Midler!"
- (shooting at random people from atop the Kwik-E-Mart) "You live, you die!" (shoots) "You live, you die!" (shoots)
- (whilst in the bowling championships with Springfield police taking steps towards the pins) "One .. Two .. Three .... Four five six seven eight nine ten. Bye!" (escapes through trapdoor)'
- "Totally Awesome Dude!"
- "Dude, you better not have scratched my car!"
- (Christmas Episode after Homer steals everyone's presents, including Snake's) "Oh no! Now I know what it feels like to be robbed! I should, like, totally see my shrink, and rob his ass!"
- "Gun...check. Dollar-sign-bag...check. Powerbar...check. Ok, let's go rob this ... Bowling Alley?!!! Okay...whatever"
- (when snatching something) "Yoink!"
- "Don't move! I've totally got you covered with my phaser slash cell phone!
- (after seeing Sideshow Bob pass out from writing Bart a death letter in his own blood) "Use a pen Sideshow Bob!"
- (after Marge smashes a hole in wall of Springfield Penitentiary with her car) "Thanks, chick-dude!"
- (in response to Mr. Burns telling Bart that ladies prefer educated men) "It's true. One time, I home-invaded this Princeton dude, and he was, like, totally married!"
- (upon mugging Homer at a cyber-cafe) Yoink dot adios backslash losers!"
