The Aristocrats (joke)
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The Aristocrats (also known as The Debonaires or The Sophisticates in some tellings) is a joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians since the vaudeville era. Steven Wright has likened it to a secret handshake among comedians, and it is seen as something of a game in which those who tell it try to top each other in terms of shock value. It is rarely told the same way twice, often improvised, and was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name.
Throughout its long history, it has evolved from a clichéd staple of vaudevillian humor into a postmodern anti-joke.
Within the United Kingdom it is also common to use the Royal Family for the joke.
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[edit] The joke
[edit] Three parts
This joke almost always has these elements — alternative versions may change this form, but such versions tend to assume that the audience is already familiar with the joke:
- The setup: The joke always begins with a "family act" going in to see a talent agent.
- Those who meet the agent can include the whole family, or just one family member (usually the father).
- The agent asks (sometimes after saying that he's not interested, and a plea from the father) what they do.
- If the whole family is present, the act may be performed for the agent, rather than described.
- There is also the possibility of a neutral observer telling the tale of seeing the performance to the talent agent.
- The act: It is described in as much detail as the teller prefers.
- Traditionally, the description is crude, tasteless, ribald, and often scatological.
- While most tellings follow one of a few basic forms, the description of the act is meant to be an ad lib.
- It should be as far beyond the boundaries of propriety as the comedian can muster. Incest, pedophilia, scatology, bestiality, and murder are common themes.
- The punch line: The agent asks what the act is called, and the answer is always the same: "The Aristocrats!"
- The punchline may be modified in some variants, but generally such variants are told only in a context where the original joke is known.
- Because the sense of what an aristocrat is has faded in many countries, the final line may simply be seen as the end of a rather bawdy joke rather than a punchline. In some regions the name of the act is "The Sophisticates" or "The Debonaires".
[edit] An example
This version of the joke is fairly short, and simply demonstrates the form. Actual performances of the joke can last minutes, and it is rumored that Chevy Chase used to hold parties at which the goal was to tell the joke for half an hour (without repeating any of the acts contained in its performance).
- A man dressed as a priest walks into a talent agent's office with his wife, his six year old daughter, his eight year old son, their German Shepherd Spike, and their pet gerbil Moses. The man says to the talent agent, "We're a family act, and we'd like you to represent us."
- The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too old-fashioned."
- The man says, "But this is really special and if you let us perform it for you I am sure you will change your mind."
- The agent says, "Okay, show me the act?"
- The man rips off his pants to reveal a pair of pink crotchless panties. He runs over to his daughter and shoves his cock in his daughter’s mouth and she starts sucking him off while playing with his balls with one hand and fingering his ass with the other. Meanwhile at the same moment the son strips naked and tears his mothers clothes off and starts fucking her from behind while she eats her daughter’s ass. The mother then starts shitting all over her son while he fucks her from behind. The son catches the shit and starts to smear it all over his face and his mother's ass. Then the father cums in his daughters mouth and spins her around and she starts French kissing her mother and spitting the cum back and forth between each other while the father starts fucking his daughter from behind. The son then jumps on his mom's back and starts riding her like a horse while he shits all over her. The father then starts to shit into his hand and smear it all over his daughters back and head as he pulls out of his daughter's pussy and puts it in her ass. Just then the son jumps down off of his mother and lies down on the floor. The father runs over to the son and pushes his knees up to his chest and starts sucking his balls and licking his ass while fingering his own ass. The daughter then lies down on the floor on her back and pulls her knees up to her chest and her mother gets on all fours over top of her and pulls a tube out of a bag and shoves it in her daughter's ass. Then the mother takes their pet gerbil Moses and puts it through the tube and into her daughter's ass. The daughter writhes on the floor moaning in pleasure while their pet German Shepherd licks her pussy. The mother then takes the shit from the floor and covers her body with it and squats over her sons face and starts shitting in his mouth. With his mouth full of shit he stands up with his father and they run over to the daughter and start jerking off. They cum all over her face and body. The daughter then shits out the gerbil and throws it against the wall, popping it like a tomato. She then starts rubbing shit and cum all over her body while the son and father piss in the mothers mouth. Then the mother, the son and the daughter lie on the floor and start rolling around in all the shit, piss and cum while singing the star spangled banner, while the dad fucks the German Shepherd in the ass and eats the dead gerbil off the floor. At the end of the song they all jump up and yell TAAAA DAAAA!!!!
- The father then looks at the agent and says, "Well, that's the act. What do you think?"
- The agent looking uncomfortable, says "Well damn that is a hell of an act what do you call yourselves?"
- To which they all four reply "The Aristocrats!"
[edit] History in print
- In Charles Dickens' novel Nicholas Nickleby (1839), toward the end of Chapter 15 there is a similar juxtaposition of distasteful acts with the concept of aristocracy, which bears a strong resemblance to the joke:
'He has a very nice face and style, really,' said Mrs Kenwigs.
'He certainly has,' added Miss Petowker. 'There's something in his appearance quite - dear, dear, what's that word again?'
'What word?' inquired Mr. Lillyvick.
'Why - dear me, how stupid I am,' replied Miss Petowker, hesitating. 'What do you call it when Lords break off door-knockers and beat policemen, and play at coaches with other people's money, and all that sort of thing?'
'Aristocratic?' suggested the collector.
- The Aristocrats appears on page 987 of Gershon Legman's Rationale of the Dirty Joke, Vol. 2, published in 1975 <ref>Legman, Gershon (2004). "The Aristocrats" from Rationale Of The Dirty Joke, An Analysis Of Sexual Humor Series Two: No Laughing Matter.</ref>. Legman retells the joke, complete with its traditional vaudevillian flourishes, though he does not attribute the joke to vaudeville roots. Instead, Legman learned the joke from a young man who grew up in a broken home.
- In a 2005 interview, UK comic Barry Cryer claims to have heard the joke "fifty years ago.<ref>Logan, Brian (2005-09-02). The verdict. The Guardian.</ref>
[edit] 2005 film
A film called The Aristocrats premiered at the 2005 Sundance Film Festival. Co-produced by Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza, directed by Provenza and edited by Emery Emery, the film is based on hours of digital video taken over several years, featuring comedians talking about and telling their versions of the joke. Because The Aristocrats was Johnny Carson's favorite joke, the film is dedicated to his memory.
[edit] Variations
Every telling of the joke is, by definition, a variation because of its ad-lib nature. However, there are certain common variations:
- Audition - The act is not described to the agent, but performed, often involving the agent in the depravity of the act.
- Auto-biographical - The story is told in the first person, with the teller either being the agent or a member of the act.
- Meta-joke - The joke is told as a part of a larger story about a telling of the joke.
- Reversal - The family act is a typical act, but the name is shocking.
Many of these forms rely on the assumption that the audience is familiar with the format of the standard version of the joke. Several of these forms appeared in the film.
- Royal Family - In England it is commonly told about the Royal family.
[edit] Notes
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