Ancient Order of Turtles
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The Association ("Turtle Club") is "an honorable drinking fraternity composed of ladies and gentlemen of the highest morals and good character, who are never vulgar" and who have successfully answered four from a list of about twenty-five qualifying questions. Each question suggests a vulgar, lewd, or salacious answer, but the actual correct answer is rather innocuous. It is assumed that all prospective turtles own a diabetic donkey, which is the reason for the password. Once inducted, a member must reply to the question, "Are you a turtle?" with the answer, "You bet your sweet ass I am." If the member is unable or unwilling (perhaps because of the restriction on vulgarity) to provide the correct answer, he or she owes to each other turtle present a drink of the recipient's choice.
The origin of this group supposedly goes back to World War I fighter pilots as a way to amuse themselves while relaxing with a cool drink between missions.
[edit] Popular qualifying questions
- What does a woman do sitting down, that a dog does on three legs, and a man does standing up?
- What is long, hard, and tubular and filled with "sea-men?"
- What is a word heard almost every day that rhymes with "duck" and begins with "F?"
- What does a cow have four of, that a woman only has two of?
- What is rounded and hard and sticks so far out of a man's pajamas you can hang your hat on it?
- What does a dog do that a man steps into?
- What goes in hard and dry and comes out flaccid and moist?
- What is a four letter word, ending with "k," that means intercourse?
The solutions are,
- Shake hands.
- A submarine.
- Firetruck.
- Legs.
- His head.
- Pants.
- Chewing Gum.
- Talk.
[edit] Historical references
- During the Mercury-Atlas 8 mission (part of the United States space program), astronaut Wally Schirra was asked by a ground controller whether he was a turtle. Not wanting to use vulgar language while his communications were being broadcast worldwide, he temporarily stopped transmitting while he gave the required response (which was captured by the in-flight recorder).[1]
